Well, I shouldn’t say that. Life turned me into a potential alcoholic, writing just gave me the final push. I had never been even slightly tempted by alcohol as a substance to abuse until I started to write.
Why? Well, I have a lot of anxiety. It’s a long story that goes way back, and I’ve tried to manage it in various ways. An opioid addiction, antidepressants, withdrawing from life completely, and – that’s about the end of the list.
But then I came upon the idea that I was meant to be a writer, of sorts. I felt like I had a lot of things to say, and I felt like they were important. I still feel that way. The problem was: I could barely sit still long enough to type a title, let alone an article.
I started living with my dad for reasons that relate to my first blog post on here: “My disastrous spiritual awakening”, and he was a drinker. Not a come home and yell at everyone in the house type of drinker, but a drinker nonetheless. I was never very attracted to it. It didn’t seem to be my drug of choice. I had the occasional beer with him, but that was about it.
Then I started writing, and found it only compounded my agitation and inability to sit still. So I’d have a beer to calm the nerves. Then two. Then, over the period of a day, eight. One month as a “writer” and I’m already a cliché. Hooray.
The irony was, I was actually kind of prolific during this period. And I produced some fairly okay writing. It really did seem to help the writing process for me in a way that my other coping mechanisms – coffee, anti-anxiety pills etc – didn’t.
In “The Way of the Superior Man” (which is a great book, and everyone should read it, male or female), David Deida refers to alcohol as a feminine substance. He didn’t delve into why this was, but I imagine it’s something to do with getting in touch with your emotions – and with my experience now I wonder whether that’s true. Maybe it dulled my emotions just enough so they were manageable enough to engage with.
I don’t think I’m going to keep up this alcohol-fuelled writing thing for long though. I don’t see it being a viable long-term method for personal success. I’m not at a point where I feel I can meditate every day, but I’m doing other work with a couple of people which I think will help a lot with my state of being. I’ve got some akashic (I still don’t really know what that means) trance/hypnosis sessions lined up with a great guy at “Alchemical Child”, and I fortuitously met a woman in a health food/spiritual store that I had a great connection with, so I’m looking forward to delving into my subconscious a bit more with these people. I think that will really help. I’m also booked in for a 10 day silent meditation retreat up here in Queensland which I’m in two minds about attending, but I’ll feel into it closer to the date to see if I’m ready for another one of those (they are intense).
I’m still on “leave” from my main spiritual teacher: she has cut me off completely as a way to force me to stand on my own two feet and not use her guidance as a crutch, which has been… frustrating at times, but I understand why she’s doing it.
Fingers crossed I can get through this period and come out the other side a more functional human being.
But still, as always,
In love and light,
Will.
For more stories like this, including mental health, extraterrestrials, and spirituality, please subscribe to my blog, or follow my Facebook page “The Ostrich and the Elephant”, or find me on Twitter @willkenway, Medium @willkenway, or Instagram @will.kenway. Thanks!
Leave a Reply to 샌즈카지노 Cancel reply